thankyou.

thankyou,
for not trying to fix it,
for not telling me i was being stupid,
for not giving me personal experiences,
and trying to relate,
even when you knew you couldnt,
for leaving your boyfriends house to come over,
for not making me feel immature,
for letting me speak,
and cry,
and letting me vent,
not forcing me to speak when i couldnt anymore,
and for not once,
making me feel selfish for the way i felt.

i love you.
youre fantastic, and i dont think you know.
e & m.

xxxxxxxx

word for word

every, single, word.
i can recite it, word for word, and i can feel it when i say it.
the music, the words, it makes me sick. it makes me sad.
it makes me angry. all the emotions build up. and i dont know why.
its always been that way.
someone told me to download this song when i was in year 10.
its one of those songs,
i will listen to over and over,
but not get sick of..
when i hear the song.. or read the words..
its as if im talking to myself..
and even after all these years..
its the same face..
i see,
when i play it.
which scares me.
a lot.
its no copy and paste. and as i sit here retyping the words... i can still feel it.. and i can still see..

------------------------------------------------------

i felt for sure last night.. that once we said goodbye
no one else will know these lonely dreams.. no one else will know that part of me
i'm still driving away.. and im sorry every day... i won't always love these selfish things
i won't always live..

it was my turn to decide
i knew this was our time...
no one else will have me like you do.. no one else will have me, only you...
you'll sit alone forever.. if you wait for the right time.. what are you hoping for?
im here im now im ready....holding on tight
don't give away the end........ the one thing that stays mine

amazing still it seems... ill be 23
i won't always love what ill never have.. i won't always live in my regrets
you'll sit alone forever... if you wait for the right time
what are you hoping for? im here I'm now I'm ready...
holding on tight.... don't give away the end
the one thing that stays mine

-----------------------------------------------------

on tuesday night, at basketball,
we had run, sprint, after sprint, after sprint,
situps, pushups, side steps..
punishment, after punishment, after punishment,
all because we missed our foul shots..

as i walked up to the foul line with the ball..
i said, to emily,
"you would think, that after all these years,
we would be able to hit a shot as simple as this"
and i shot the ball, and it rolled around the ring, and missed.
and i looked at her,
and as i walked to the end of the court to start my sprints,
my punishment,
i said, "see what i mean?"

its the same..
ive missed shot after shot..
and still, after these years, i havent learnt my lesson..
im still being punished.. over and over again..
and just like with my foul shots,
i have no one to blame but myself..
because i am the one standing on the line with the ball,
and its up to me.

in basketball, i dont have a choice.
i have to make that shot.
and if i miss,
i have no choice but to do the punishments.
no matter how much it hurts.

but in real life, i can choose to just let go.

blergh

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry call I'm desperate for your voice, Listening to the song we used to sing, In the car, do you remember, Butterfly, Early Summer, It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet, Like when we would meet, I was born to tell you I love you, and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine, Stay with me tonight, Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh, Cause every breath that you will take, when you are sitting next to me ,will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy? I was born to tell you I love you, and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine, Stay with me tonight, And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home.. (I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have) I was born to tell you I love you, and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine, Stay with me tonight, I was born to tell you I love you, and I am torn to do, what I have to, to make you mine, Stay with me tonight...

tell me how im supposed to breathe with...

no air.